I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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