Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
