I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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