yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
