i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
