she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
