I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
