Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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