do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
