If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do you have feelings for this penis?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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