Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
