just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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