In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
