Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
