Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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