I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
