I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
