it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
