If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i used baking grease as lip gloss
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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