DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
