Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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