I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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