what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
