she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
