i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
