please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
