I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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