Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
