: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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