wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
