I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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