Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
