Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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