i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
