This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
