Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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