garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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