I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
