I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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