You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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