Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
