Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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