Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
handjob tips. give me some.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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