what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
