and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
