Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
