I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
