did you get engaged???
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
