Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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