A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't put those talents on a resume
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
