Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
