Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
