I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
