We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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