dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
