I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
