omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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