Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
